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jewel
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Saturday, August 25, 2007

I'm going to have to disappoint the world.

And not succomb. And not self-destruct. And not fade-away. And not lose my soul. And not not lead the way.

As if, the fate of humanity depended on it. As if, my decision to disappoint will stave of Brahma's next birthday (death's earthday). As if, I ride upon a horse and feel every stretch of every sinew beneath me.

I have broken the code of the intellect. And the code of base desire, too. Broken, not as in violate (though surely I'm not exemptable of such charges), but broken as in broken though. C.G. Jung provided me the game plan. America, the gameday. MVP was the slogan "Let Freedom ring." Done rung the bell. ding-a-ling. ding-a-ling. Gone straight to the heart - where all thoughts are feelings, and all feelings, thoughts.

"Red Rover, Red Rover, let Stephen come over!"

Let, indeed. But don't try to restrain me. I've no desire. Nor intent to either join or hurt you.

In other news...

I am well. Still a running fool. Feel like I'm trapped in a twenty-something body. But I'll get over that.

Work is good. Overwhelming in quantity but not in scope. I've the the scope in tow. So I'm not getting it all done, but what I accomplish is Qual. If I were the simplest of men, I'd throw myself entirely into my work and be happy ever after. Such simplicity I yet strive for.

Financially, I'm near ruined. But I see that as an opportunity to acquire the nickname of 'the Comeback Kid'.

My daughter is more beautiful than ever and is a warrior-princess.

My wife is a born-again-Christian whose constant mantra is that Satan release his hold on me.

I've lost almost all my friends. Perhaps, it had to be. Such a perilous journey have I been. Too perilous to expect company. Some say I've driven my friends off. I've no response to that. Except to say, if I yet had friends, I'd love them too much to have them stay true to me. Alas, I am your American Odyssey.

Love is. Love is all around. Though I am unmoved, may love leap and joy abound.

"Don't be the rider who gallops all night and never sees the horse that is beneath him."
-Jelaluddin Rumi

7:12 PM - 72 views - 8 eprops - 6 comments - email it

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

	Yes, this is the oldest account on Xanga. 10-1-1998. That dates all the way back to the very first days of blogging on the Earth. Long before teenagers thought they invented it. Ha.
	8:40 AM - 175 views - 118 eprops - 61 comments - email it

Saturday, September 06, 2003

Last night I happened upon a tear in the fabric of consciousness. The seams in my normal raggedy andy ragdoll head are usually well-sown, but last night a few became undone and allowed an influx of otherness. Though it was probably lost to me, I imagine there might have also been a leaking outflux to the universe of my own shadowy threshold ragdoll intimations which would probably otherwise have come to constitute a Xanga blog! Oh well, all’s a tradeoff in the balance of energies and nothing’s ever really lost.

I was prepared to totally indulge in the psychic trepanning thus visited upon me, but it seems that a secret seamstress pulled my rag-thread seams back tight but a little further into the night. And with that nurturing I fell asleep. Damn that nurturing! But something tells me that it was a reflex to conserve sanity and stop my shadowy threshold ragdoll bleeding. Damn that sanity!

There are doors of perception to other worlds. Worlds yet strange and un-unified with our “own.” And I seek their opening. Much as the microscope prior to its invention was the unknown key to an unknown world that there before, except by some mystical visionaries, was considered pure chimera and fantasy, so too, do I believe, that we are on the threshold to finding new doors to unseen worlds providing new discovery.

For there is always new discovery, in this, our Golden Eternity.

11:43 AM - 105 views - 82 eprops - 43 comments - email it

I dislike sleep. But I do it so well. So well, in fact, that I’m a designated sleeper. Like a designated driver, but sleeping instead. And one of these days, the stimulus will arrive to wake me up. At least that’s what was promised when I joined *the program*. “Don’t worry: the day will come when you’ll get your call.” Oh yeah? Until then what? More alcohol?

To hell with them. I’ve slept long enough. Time to emerge from this imposed somnolence by my own beck and call. I’ll be a renegade like Schwarzenneger in Total Recall. Rediscovering the me I was expected to forget. Remembering all the arcane knowledge I once was allowed to collect. Rebounding to my status as a whiz once again. Digging the time capsules out of the ground where I’d buried them. Yep, it’s time. And past time.

*opens eyes*

And the very first thing that I wonder about is why we all don’t know the stars much better than we do. How many can you name? Maybe one, maybe two? And why can’t the mind keep track of their precise whereabouts? Like it’s daytime, yes, but I know that there’s a star in the sky 15 degrees north of the Sun there . It’s Regulus (but unseen for the light of the bright one). And even at night, looking downward and south, if I could see through the earth, I’d see the Southern Cross over there *points*

And may I ask why the hell the military/government has conducted war scenario gaming against projected alien enemies. Like wtf would you do that for unless you had solid evidence of the possibility...

Wake-up Call

Can I tell my secrets?
Would anyone believe?
Probably think I’m talking trashtalk
and rush quietly to leave...

I watched the skies as a child
and, likewise, they watched me:
every morning at seven a saucer
I grew accustomed to see.

Not alarmed, but wondrous I gazed on,
felt a message emanating my way,
and was assured that the world was much safer
and all would be fine on that day.

Then one day, the visitors left me
(only once later in life to return).
Is this world now no longer that safe place--
or was I taught what I needed to learn?

Can I utter this bright secret
and not incur your scorn?
I was taught: each and every new day
is a day when you're once again born.

11:16 AM - 37 views - 14 eprops - 7 comments - email it

You are a beautfiful woman who has just intensified your loveliness in becoming more free.

At this moment, you and you alone inspire me.

And this moment feels like eternity.

11:14 AM - 43 views - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

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